Why the hell do we call it “coconut water” like it’s some holy, saint-blessed hydration straight from God’s urethra? It’s juice. It comes out of a fucking fruit. If it squirted out of an orange we wouldn’t sit there pretending it’s “orange water.” But no, slap “water” on the label. It’s not magical glacier piss. It’s coconut juice. Stop jerking off the branding like it’s some enlightened nectar for smug wellness cultists.
I considered making a “Meet the Parents” reference, but I’m not happy with what I’ve come up with.
Well, what the hell.
“I have nuts, Greg. Can you milk me?”
Proceeds to violently milk his prostate. “Now what do you call that white shit that came out of you Jack‽”