Don’t give me ‘get off of social media’. I want practical tips that can be used when talking to random people in public places.
You must log in or register to comment.
Legitimately, the biggest thing that helped me was to join an RPG group. For me it was D&D. It made just talking to random people way easier, and I made a ton of friends throughout the years. Granted, I play exclusively online and join random games now and again, so I always have a new batch of people to talk to.
Otherwise, ask questions. Not boring, “how’s the weather” / “how are you” questions. But questions like “do you have any pets” or “do you have a favorite place/restaurant/hike/bookstore in the area”. Personal ish questions. People like to talk about their favorites or their things or their pets.
Also, mirroring questions. If someone asks you about your pets, asking them back is a good way to keep a conversation flowing, so I’ve found.
Is it unnatural to say hi and then ask “do you have any pets?”. Or am I overthinking it?
…
Dont be afraid of silence. Very cool people will allow a silent pause and not feel the need to say anything. Awkward people get anxious about the silence and become visibly uncomfortable.
It’s cool, just eat a couple bites and take a sip, nothing wrong with not saying anything if nothing comes to mind that moment.
The problem is I’m cool with total silence all the time and not many people are into that, people seem to like to talk.
Ha me too, and yes people like to talk so they like people who listen 😀
There is of course skill to listening and giving follow up questions, but i think the key is to he comfortable.
If you’re stressed as introvert thiking "how many people are around, i wonder anybody is looking at me, this girl is cute i wonder if she wants to hook up, and does she want to hook up with me? Oh no she knows now I’m nervous am i biting my lip again? . . . "
Then yeah it’s gonna be hard to listen and ask followup questions, but if you can relax a little it’s not too hard.
One thing for me is i am mortified at the thought of asking a personal question and getting pushback. But if you listen to someone and they say “so i had to go the doctor this morning.” Ask them “oh what did you go to the doctor for?”. They’ll usually tell you, "well my knee has been hurting and then they said . . . " If it’s something really personal they don’t want to talk about they’ll usually say “well it’s a bit oersonal but long story short . . .”
Important thing to remember is that if anyone is chatting with you in the first place, they want you to like them, and if you listen and act engaged that’s even better. People aren’t looking for ways to shit on you like it’s high school all over again, and if they do, they just got something going on at home or at work it’s not about you actually.
you just walk away, you don’t have to see them in school tomorrow, if they were in any way unpleasant to you.
Thank you this is helpful.
Learn how to be honestly invested into people you talk with:
- ask them meaningful questions about them.
- aks them open-ended questions.
- ask them sub-questions.
- find a topic they are really interested and sparks a joy in their eyes. And go deeper. Try to learn.
- ask why question. “Why do you like this the most?”
For kids I usually go with what is your favorite school subject? Why? What is the best part? Why?.. For grownups ask about their hobbies. Why do they like them? What is the best part?
This is the single most important advice. This is about them not you. And it forms deeper connections.
Extra: Simple smile can really make a strangers day.
…
