I hope I never have to use “your” code.

Comments with a negative sum will be hidden/collapsed. That may be a client setting, though.

Did some Linux cultist downvote my real concerns because the reality they were slapped with disagreed with their fictitious worldview?

I’d guess you got downvoted because you expect other people to solve your problems. You expect someone to promise you it will work without any issues.
Instead of putting in the work and just trying it. You don’t have to go all in, either. Just make some space on the drive and do a parallel install. Dual boot.
Best case: you find out many things with little to no effort and such permanently, gaining freedom.
Worst case: you switch back, having learned something useful.
But don’t expect strangers to exactly know your use case. It’s your computer. Take ownership of it!

Make it an actual Linux phone and it might be a winner.