few siblings growing up

it was fun

Flashbacks to the time when my abusive older brother used zipties to restain me for a few hours when my parents weren’t home because he found me to be “very annoying”… 👀

(I was like no older than 6 and he was like 11)

Chinese language is gender neutral:

他 (tā) - he/she/it, singular
(Edit: “it” is actually “它”, but its the same pronunciation)
他们 (tā mén) - they, plural

So simple… there’s no fuss about pronouns lmfao

Imagine all the problems that would go away if the US just used a better language xD

r/iamverysmart

So like a selective suspension of empathy for anyone not part of your “in-group”?

Sure… I’ll take it.

I mean, I was already gonna prioritize my group over others… this doesn’t change much for most people… an average pleb like me can’t save the world, so I’d save those I care about first.

If I somehow end up being a leader where I actually have the ability to change things… my memories could still be there as a spiritual guide… as in hey, now you are in control, save those that are weak… hopefully I don’t forget to be a good person lol…

As for everyone else… probably a lot more intense tribalism. Its gonna be even more fucked if someone consider themselves to be the only person in their “in-group”…

Studies have down that people with adult children tend to be happier than older, childless people.

I think this is probably why my mom really want to control me all the time… she’s afraid she’ll lose me and be alone…

like… mom wtf… I’d like you a lot more if uou gave me a bit of room to breathe…

Mom is keep pushing the idea of marriage to my older brother (who’s 28) because she’s afraid he’ll be (and I quote) “be alone for the rest of his life”… for context my dad got married at 31.

They still care about us, even though I am a piece of shit. Just not total I guess. Or maybe they tolerate me for their mom.

As a young adult… speaking from the kid’s perspective… there’s like this sort of feeling that is so… hard to explain… this connection…

My mother is/was very emotionally abusive by western standards, but still… I have this weird attachment to her… separation anxiety… or trauma bonding? idk…

I mean does it improve my ability to survive?

Like I have depression, does it make my depression go away for the duration of its effects?

Sure, maybe I’ll take it.

I mean, I still remember what empathy is from my hippocampus, and I’ll just remind myself not to be a monster…

But I guess the major downsides is that I would not longer be able to “feel” the atmosphere of a movie/tv show. No longer able to “feel” the music. “Feel” the poems I write… idk if I could even write poems anymore.

No longer be able to feel the emotions associated with my past… the nostalgia… the pain… the trauma…

I hate the trauma…

But at the same time… it reminds me who my enemies are, so I don’t make that same mistake again… so I’ll know… know to take precautions… cuz my enemy is still alive and nearby…

I need to be able to feel to finish my memoir (finish lol more like start writing it… I barely got 100 words in).

So…

idk…

temporay effects… maybe…

I wouldn’t take a permanent one…

I like the idea of a ham radio, but too voice shy to actually talk lol, so I don’t bother with it.

There will be lives where I never read The Egg by Andy Weir

We are all murderers… and their victims

mourning an idea of what having a family would be

I sometimes fanticized about an alternate timeline where my parents were much more lovely.

I mean I do keep trying to remember the moments where I really love spending time with my mom… but unfortunately those memories are far and between… so much of the emotional abuse in between it… so much times where I cried…

I’m just desparately hanging on to those good memories…

I refuse to believe my mom is evil… its as if an alien shapeshifter took her place… the mother I should’ve had…

I sometimes just wish I was born to a Norweigian family… imagine the happiness…

unfortunately… their population is so low… odds of being born there is so miniscule… reincarnation could be a thing, and you can die 100 times and still never make it there. most likely be born in some developing country…

universe so cruel…

welp, its either that or eternal nothingness… which is just also fucking sad… nothing will ever happen again…

selling/trafficking me for drugs, and almost murdering me

What the fuck?

Bruh even my abusive parents weren’t this crazy

Hey btw I really wanna meet a rich fella in DC

Heard he like playing golf, we could hang out sometime, maybe I can teach him a bit of hunting 😏