I’m kinda in a situation of “The world can go fuck itself but I need to grind.” Not physically, but mentally.
I had a dispute with my parents 2 days ago. They’re the typical parents who doesn’t even know the existence of mental health and don’t know that it is an actual concern, plus they bring down trauma of their parents by picking on their children( me ).
They have been doing this for years and only yesterday, I decided that I won’t tolerate their behavior.
That’s when I edited my current routine and changed it into the one I wrote in the post.
I decided that I need to get a stable grade first, no matter what. Then I need to increase my financial income.
Only then, I’m hoping that they MIGHT stop picking on me and then I can focus on myself, for myself.
Anyway, increasing the sleeping hours isn’t impossible. It’s just that, after getting put under their demeaning spotlight, I don’t find it worthy to have a good sleep for myself anymore and probably there’s not much of a convincing method that’ll shift my mindset to think otherwise. Probably…
Perhaps I’ll change my decision after 1 week…
I’m still at a “whim of the moment” position. I’m determined enough to stick to a 4 hour sleep routine, but not sure enough if that is an ideal decision for me. Also I don’t have enough willpower to atomically divide down and re-edit my schedule to increase it in a 7-8 hours sleep schedule. At least, not for now.
I might give an update after 5-6 days.
This is my unified reply to all of you guys giving enlightening advices.
This post, or my decision on starting a 4 hour sleep routine is still just a strong decision. I haven’t acted upon it yet… Hence this post to get what the elderly and experienced people have to say who did maintain this kinda routine when they were in my age.
It isn’t that I don’t understand the underlying biological damage that would have caused on me if I really were to stick on this routine for long.
I was angrily gritting my teeth( imaginatively ) against the people( my parents ) who ( kind of ) made me to push myself to this negative extreme. That’s why I suppose, was taken back by my ego or something like that and decided to make this self-damaging routine to follow.
I had other plans in this routine that’d suffice in the psychological way( meaning, to avoid burnout, crashing out, snappy temper etc ).
But, after reading your comments, who are experienced and lived through this kinda phase, I realized that for my mental health, maintaining other sorts of psychological assistance while avoiding enough sleep is like, feeding my stomach with side dish like salad dressing instead of eating actual salad.
From where I am, now it’s night time. Tomorrow is a big day for me. And after reading all of your comments, I’ve decided to fully drown myself in sleep without setting an alarm. I’ll let myself be.
Probably I’ll wake up with a clear head, and with a reason not to keep myself deprived of sleep that much.
I’ll give an update. Thank you everyone.