Do not travel to the US

Apple:

One of the most useful things we learned in school 100%

Seriously, did night monsters write this post?!

Yeah if you like poop and pee

If you get that feeling where you need to sneeze but it’s not quite enough for a full sneeze, say the word grapefruit. 60% of the time it works every time

An old guy is turning 100 so his friends decide to hire a prostitute for him to celebrate his birthday. She shows up and says to him “Are you ready for some super sex?” And the old guy thinks for a moment and says “…I will have the soup”