Edit: Original site is paywalled and seeming to not always load, here is another article about the incident: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/united-airlines-flight-masturbating-incident/6551525/
For the record, if that happens to you, stand up and be a public nuisance.
“EXCUSE ME FLIGHT ATTENDANT BUT, can I please have a plastic spray shield to protect myself while this man masturbates midflight?”
You can also involve the other passengers directly, if they don’t react to your obvious public call for help (above) by asking if anyone else sees this guy flogging the dolphin in Seat 33B?
The more euphemisms you can use, the better!
I’m not a woman so there is probably some bit of deep ingrained fear that I’m lacking here, but this was pretty much my first thought when I heard about this.
Maybe public shaming was this guy’s kink, but I think being loud is the right move in this situation. There should have been pictures and videos of this guy.
Fate missed its chance when it didn’t seat him next to the woman who took her pants off.

Well? Did he cum?!
This shit is sexual assault. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ, man! There’s just some things you don’t talk about in public!
“That kid is back on that escalator.”
Easy cum, easy go
where did you come from cotton-eyed Joe?
I guess you could say he arrived at his destination.
the fuck is wrong with going to the airplane bathroom. what a creep.
A fellow half mile high club member.
tips hat
genuinely it helps significantly relieve restless leg syndrome, which on a long flight can be downright torturous.
but only if there’s not a line of people waiting of course
Sounds like they where landing. Hence she had to sit as well. The guy probably could have waited till he was in the airport.
He definitely could’ve waited. The flight was a regional trip and only an hour long.
I bet he does it for the thrill. If he gets off on the publicity of the act and having other passengers be captive around him, then an airport bathroom would have defeated the purpose. He wanted his fellow passengers to witness what he did, like a flasher or exhibitionist.
WTF, OP? I had to find an archive to get the rest of the text, and there was a lot more to the story. As usual, United has fully lived down to its abysmally low standards.
For anyone else who has zero intentions of paying for a NBC subscription for one article, here’s an archive link. There are known problems with the site, but I could not find another archive that had the content. Use at your own discretion:
This story was on the WildFeed comm a couple of days ago… and, yeah, United did almost everything poorly or wrongly. Mind blowingly so.
Holy shit, this is infuriating. And then they try to gaslight her in email.
That fucking guy should have been arrested and banned forever from the airline. I have no idea what the fuck the crew was thinking.
I hope she can press charges and sue the airline, IANAL but it seems like she has a solid case, given how NBC judged her story to be true and newsworthy.
That site also doesn’t load
The problem might be on your end, because both links are working fine for me.
Same here.
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Why should I try something different when it’s already working? You are the one with the problem. Maybe you should try a less security hardened browser as it might be the cause of your problem.
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Your disability accommodations include a special security hardened browser?
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And an emotional support canned ham, you discriminatory fuck. How very dare you.
/s, just in case anyone needs it – for support
“I don’t like that he’s actually saying something that makes sense so it’s ableist” ahh comment
No it isn’t.
It loads fine in Vanadium, Firefox and elinks. Not sure what you’re going on about. It seems like this is a problem with either your connection or your setup, rather than the website, considering myself and others have accessed it fine.
They are probably talking about ReCaptcha. Loads for me from my normal IP (still has a chance to show up) but not from Tor. Latter passable in Tor Browser when fucking with the regular challenge for a while then doing the audio.
FWIW, the captcha didn’t trigger for me in Vanadium over a VPN, so it’s not as if you have to completely disable any privacy measures to access it, at least.
Yeah, but you were framing it as if becauce it didn’t worked to you, then it didn’t worked to anyone else
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Planned lawsuit?
I don’t think this reads like an onion.
Yeah wtf, there’s no humour here, just awfulness
Someone saw “not the onion” and took it literally
Anyone who got past the paywall know what protocol was violated? From the information available, I’m sincerely unsure of what they could have done. Were they supposed to go up the aisle asking someone else to sit next to the masturbator? Were they supposed to swap one of them to one of the flight attendant seats? Can they even detain the guy after landing? I legitimately don’t know what they’re supposed to do in this situation, other than provide information for the victim to press charges
Public masturbation is illegal. The protocol is probably to inform the commander and law enforcement and ask the person to stop, and restraining him if he does not comply.
Yeah I suspect the “let him leave” wasn’t down to United in this case, if law enforcement doesn’t want to pick him up at deboarding they can’t do much. Hopefully he gets charged, but it’d require the police to detain him on touchdown.
There is no reason they need to detain you to charge you.
Snagging him right at the arrival gate seems pretty reasonable, and certainly security has done so after flights for many various offenses in the past.
But yeah, at the very least they should know who the guy was and be able to provide information to the authorities in order to press charges.
Yeah that was my point, sorry if I expressed it badly. That he’ll probably be charged, but detainment if warranted would have come down to the police picking him up, related to a criminal charge and independent of a civil case by United.
Well, that’s probably why they let him leave, nobody wants to touch that guy with a ten foot pole, let alone restrain him.
Restraints would just be a new kink.
I doubt it was really ten foot, probably just a few inches
Pretty sure it was that. They could still have thrown some blankets on him and binded his wrists to the seat.
Flight attendants have duct taped people to seats in the past.
Yes, they duct tape people who pose a threat of death or serious injury to passengers and/or crew.
Someone with deficient stealth-jacking skills disgusts and offends passengers and crew, but doesn’t threaten injury. Restraints are not justified.
There is a rather large community of people recording and storing radio communication between pilots and ATC. Chance are pretty good we’ll hear whether the pilots requested law enforcement at the gate. If they failed to request law enforcement, that would be on the pilots and airline. If law enforcement failed to respond, that would be on the cops.
Someone with deficient stealth-jacking skills disgusts and offends passengers and crew, but doesn’t threaten injury. Restraints are not justified.
If you’re hit with someone’s spunk nonconsensually, I think that counts as injury or some approximate of that, legally.
It’s certainly harm, and justified law enforcement intervention. But it’s not a “open the emergency exit door in flight” level of harm. Nobody is threatened with death or grievous bodily harm here. Forceful intervention would increase that risk, rather than reducing it.
That’s kinda fucked up for homeless people, if true
How often do you encounter homeless people on an airplane?
What do you mean?
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WTF? Really? Strongly disagree.
Counterpoint: It’s not a human need to goon or have sex in public.
It’s a human need to have sex. But yeah, having sex in public should never be done.
What’s probably happening here is some people hear “in public” and think it means “in public view” and not what it literally means, “not on private property open to the public”
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Restraining him is almost definitely not something the flight crew should attempt. Flight crew are not trained for this and could get injured. It could also easily escalate the situation and the last thing you want is a fight on board while in air. That could cause danger to the plane or other passengers. Asking him to stop and detaining him after landing would probably be the protocol.
Passenger handling is part of their training, including procedures to deal with deranged people
I am technically trained in CPR. You absolutely shouldn’t rely on my CPR skills if there is another choice. Wrangling a deranged person is difficult even for people with ample training and experience (e.g. cops), let alone for flight crew with very basic training. If the person is not a danger to himself or others, there is no reason they would escalate the situation during flight.
“deranged” meaning “posing a physical threat to passengers and crew”.
Stealth-jacking is certainly offensive, but it is a disgusting offense, not a threatening offense.
I feel like an attendant should have swapped seats with her. Because a) it’s the right thing to do and b) to cover the airline’s ass a bit.
Believe it or not, you’re not required to subject yourself to sex crimes as part of your employment.
Realistically the best response was probably just letting the passenger stand with the crew in their little cubby? I’m sure there’s laws and rules that the crew thought prevented that, because most people think there isn’t flexibility unless you’re a billionaire.
What absolutely should have happened regardless was calling the police and security.
Genuine question, is that allowed? I know their seats are different, I don’t know if that would incur some liability
Flight attendants have duties to attend to in case of an emergency upon landing. For example, opening doors and deploying evacuation slides. For that, they have to be at their stations.
If there were extra, off-duty crew aboard, that would have been reasonable. They could have asked if they had any law enforcement personnel aboard, or asked for volunteers.
The air martial should have been seated there
There almost certainly wasn’t one. There’s only about 3000 air marshals total, but over 10,000 airline flights per day. If there was one on the flight, this guy would have been taken into custody. I’d be surprised if 1 in 10 flights had an air marshal aboard.
Ah add it to the list of reasons not to fly.
Site doesn’t load
But he sure did.
Here is another article: https://www.nbcnewyork.com/news/local/united-airlines-flight-masturbating-incident/6551525/
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So it was you
A mod deleted my comment which was clearly a joke. Is this Reddit 2.0?











