I saw my doctor recently and while talking about what a lazy fat-ass I am, he mentioned something about replacing the crap I usually snack on with healthier snacks like seasoned air-fried cauliflower or something like that. So what are your favorite healthy-ish snacks that can be made relatively quickly when I feel like shoving food in my face for no reason other than boredom and force of habit?


OP is asking about snacks. Eating a banana or pear or whatever as a snack will not cause the issues you warn against. Fruit is filling and contains moisture in addition to fiber. Should a person eat nothing but fruit? No. But for snacking? Hell yes.
My point is that it’s absolutely possible to get fat from fruit, in contrast to the comment I replied to. If you pig out on calorie-dense fruit like bananas or cherries every day, you will absolutely get fat. So, OP should be mindful about which fruit he chooses for his snacks and control his portions.