Last night I had a hookup for the first time. I told the guy I wanted him to use a condom, which offended him because he was like, “Why do I need to use one if you already have an IUD? Do you think I’m some STD-ridden guy?” I told him I just don’t know him that well. Either way it was fine in the end, he put it on and it was a fine night. Now I’m thinking, was I being a pushover?
Refusing to use a condom is a massive red flag. Yes, they reduce sensation, but they also protect both parties from significant health risks. An IUD is irrelevant to him at this stage
Always use a condom until you have both tested clear and are committed to each other. If your relationship is poly, then condom use and testing is required for every new partner, and it’s sensible to have everyone retested when someone new comes into the relationship.
I’d personally be concerned about their behaviour, either then trying to coerce you into unprotected sex, or being a whiny shit refusing to use a condom. Both of these would make me consider withdrawing consent, but I’m a stickler for enthusiasm at all stages.
If the guy protests putting the condom on, I wouldn’t trust them to keep it on during the entire act. Stealthing is common enough that it has its own slang term.
However, it’s easy for me to recommend withdrawing consent, but in the moment when the guy has already been a bit scary during the condom conversation, it’s not always so easy.
Shame on him for completely fucking up the vibe.
FTFY. It feels weird to thank you for something that really should be the norm, but it’s really nice to see it written out clearly for everyone to see.
Before anyone starts complaining about their poor kinks that they just can’t help: I’m into CNC and TPE, and they are both incomparably better experiences for everyone involved when everyone continuously enthusiastically consents. You (may) just need to add a layer of obfuscation, depending on the scene, but that’s easily managed through the traffic light system or safe words/signs.